My Senses

The gentle notes of the meadowlark drift away, the steady hum of the hot tub again the background noise. I continue onward, section by section, making progress. The sun warms my arms but the breeze keeps me from overheating. My mind darts and I’m grateful that I remembered to put sunscreen on today because I’m not wearing a hat. I know that in a matter of time the house will block me from the sun. I shifted positions and continue. The sound of the sand hill cranes has me “craning” my neck to see if I can spot them. It’s a ritual to look up every time we hear them but often they are so high in the sky as to be invisible. They fly close enough for a photo but my hands are too messy. I slowly return to my task and my mind thinks about the heat and how wonderful it feels to soak it up. The cat comes to play with the dog, who is trying to sleep. They both avoid my work area. Quick mental note to weigh the dog so we can order tick medication for him from our vet friend.

The days float by in this “work hard stop and hear the birds” go by scenario. I stop nightly and enjoy the sunset; occasionally it is stellar and sometimes it is hidden but I take a moment to express my gratitude for many things.

But sometimes lately it’s hard to find that. Oh I know, deep down, all the things I am grateful for. Supportive husband, fabulous friends, great kids and such cute grandchildren. I have space to create, to grow, to nourish and to relax. I mean real space, not the kind that needs any social distancing measures to be put in place.

But there are so many things happening right now that crash into my gratitude. That take the wind from my sails. That send me into an off kilter out of balance tail spin. For sure the big obvious one in the pandemic but also the difficult times for Canadians on so many fronts. I mean, how much shit does Nova Scotia have to handle. The protests in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Regina (wtf – we are on our way back to work in 5 days chill out) make me wonder how this is all going to end. The spike here at home in Saskatchewan after Easter. The list seems long.

But there are lots of other closer to home on a more personal level, none of which are mine to share in this space nor do I even “own” them. But as a supportive person I try to help. I look for solutions. I try to stay positive. I check in.

I feel like none of it is enough. I want to be with those that need my help and here I am at home in “project heaven”. Then the guilt descends and I have to fight my way out of it.

Topsy turvy times. Indeed. The crocuses are out but there was a combine running in the field tonight.

This is not a cry for help. There is no need to check in on me. It just helps me immensely to articulate the thoughts that ramble around inside my head. Just the same way it helps me to go for a walk and organize my thoughts as I take the time to appreciate nature. So thanks for the shoulder. I suspect I am probably not the only one who feels the strange times in their souls. 

Stand apart but stay together. Although my new favorite Covid-19 saying is going to be the double bubble. Trust those Newfies to come up with a great saying! 

Bernie