Posted in health, Projects, Self Care

Once again

The sunlight loses its grip and twilight descends across the valley. The north western sky a special illuminance. At midnight, here in my location, the twinge of light remains in the north. Two hours later the band of light is brighter but now resides in the north east corner of the sky. In a mere two more hours the entire eastern sky is brilliant shades of yellow, free of clouds and wind.

Yet somehow within the next hour the clouds roll in and the rain descends. Which seems to figure as it’s the weekend and we had outdoor earth moving projects to do so now it’s going to be an ugly work day. The kind of day where it would be nice to sleep in to the sound of rain.

I, unfortunately, once again have gone sleepless. I gave up at trying to sleep at 05 and came down into the cool kitchen and quietly baked.  Lamenting in my head the fact that I will, once again this week, be exhausted and edgy. I try to spin the insomnia in a positive roll but somehow I can’t find the bright sides to being awake all night. I mean if I was getting paid to work it would be ok but that’s not the case.

I long for sleep. It’s like a long lost friend when it shows up and graces my body for the night. I awake those morning and rejoice that I won’t trudge through the day. I resolve, once again, to tackle the issue with my GP. He believes this is a normal part of menopause and it will go away but Jez, 15 years is a long frigging time to suffer through this. Over the counter meds only seem to work for so long, hot showers don’t always work. Reading wakes me up and you can only practise deep breathing for so long before it becomes annoying. I’ve been exploring acupuncture or CBD oils so if you’ve any experience with these please let me know. Or if you have something else that works for you please share as I am out of ideas. My friend suggested meditation tapes but I am so restless and earphones with cords just don’t fit well in that scenario. I wonder if I have periodic limb movement disorder.

There are others that have serious reasons for insomnia such as rocket launchers hurtling projectiles at buildings, sick babies, ailing children or grief. I feel for those people. Life can hand out some bloody frigging rotten lumps. Which makes me thankful that this insomnia is not every night and not for a serious reason. My concern is though, that the chronic insomnia is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I keep thinking, this too shall pass. It’s just taking a bloody long time.

The rain has settled in and now that the baking is done I’m tired. I toy with going back to bed because it’s raining hard. The upside to that is I won’t have to haul pails of water to our 44 new little trees. Trying to focus on the positives is a choice I can make, even when I am less than enthusiastic about the events occurring.

Bernie