In small flashes

It’s arriving, in small flashes. At first I thought it was just spring. You know – more daily sunshine hours and the worst of the cold is gone although lots of snow remains. Perhaps it’s planting a few seeds that will grow up to be tomatoes & other nummy things in a few months. Might be the return to fairly decent sleeps with less back pain and therefore I am less testy/irritable/grumpy out of sorts. But here’s the thing. I think it’s actually hope. Showing up in small flashes. In tiny little ways that kindle more hope. Some very concrete ways and some more the glimmer in the distance. I’ll take it on this roller coaster journey called life.

I have spent considerable time reading lately, aka icing my back. Books about personal journey of hope. The best by far was Where there is Hope, by Elizabeth Smart. I returned 2 early as they were duds (note to self to read the intro before you borrow). The hope in this paragraph is that potentially I found a new treatment to try for my sacroilitis. It was one of those who you know not what you know scenarios. The books, getting back to the reference of reading, perhaps “gelled” (is that a word?) something that has been brewing in the back of my mind.

I try to tell people that it’s not what happens to us that makes us who we are, but how we react, the choices we make moving forward. It doesn’t matter what our current struggle is, it’s what we do about it.

Elizabeth Smart

“What do the letters spell Nan?” asked Annabelle as her little brother held out of a rock with letters on it. Strangely enough he had found a rock with the word Hope on it. Imagine that he found something I’ve been looking for! But, on the other hand, the two of them lost my four little pink bean bags that I use for holding pattern pieces down on my cutting table. I am hopeful that I will find them without tearing my creative space apart. It’s not on the list of spaces to deep clean this spring as I did it two years ago.

“It’s not if you fall it’s when you fall” commented a seasoned road bike rider in the women’s road bike group I ride with. As a newbie into clipped shoes/pedals I was terrified. Her assurance that everyone falls each season helped calm my concerns somewhat. I just hoped my fall would not take out someone else nor injure myself or my bike. So I clip in as it’s the easiest fastest way to ride and remain vigilant and hopeful that by making timely choices I can avoid serious injury from a clip/unclip crash.

We took the grandchildren to the pool the other day. I snuck away for a few minutes and did two laps. Muscle memory and determination countered the lack of upper body strength and weak legs. It was very apparent what my lack of pool time during Covid has done. So I have packed my swim bag, put it in the vehicle, I am working on printing off the schedule (harder than it sounds) and will make swimming a priority when I hit the city. I have realized that I am once again Sitting at an F and the best option forward is to actually make choices and changes. A friend, who I walk with occasionally who is also an IRL friend and blog reader, said “I know better but I don’t do better” which is me to a T. Passive hope is not going to work, I have to be actively engaged.

Look at what the Ukrainian’s have been able to manage with skill and determination, guts and moxie as they have held the line. It has cost lives and tore families apart as millions of people have left cities and towns that are decimated. But we all hold to hope that the army can halt the advance, take back ground and that the economic sanctions will make an impact. Donating and supporting local groups raising funds seems like a small action to take but it helps to bring hope to those stricken during this war. I’ve not “looked away” but I can’t dwell on it either. Life is go be lived.

Which brings me to my ahh moment with the idea that gelled. Hope, like mental health, ebbs and flows along the continuum as we go through life. Light and bright one moment and then plunged down the roller coaster that slides us suddenly down into the dark. We must take the steps to find hope and bring it into our actions. Wishing doesn’t work.

I have managed to tie into “whatsonyourbookshelf” at the same time I did a #WOTY update. If I had not lost the last 4 paragraphs perhaps I would have had time to add in an aspect of hope to “whatsonyourplate” but I am going to hit publish from here.

My wishes for all is that you can search out hope where ever you need it most.

Bernie