Posted in pandemic, Random ramblings, Self Care, writing

#Sundaystills ’21 A mirror on Inspire

Stats, word of the year review and preview, feelings, plans…. my blog post notes on what the include, the standard stuff of a year end post but somehow the words seem to be evading me.

Somewhere, in this rambling old house, is a notebook with the rest of Charlotte’s story hand written in it. I wanted to be inspired to do the last 3 sections of it but never found the book. I also had another character arise from insomnia with many details flushed out. She’s still inside my head. Which I guess means on the inspiration level that ranks as a fail.

I’ve struggled since February, with a new to me, back issue of nerve pain. It’s made loads of things difficult and required a lot of TLC, meds, ice, massage, physio and acupuncture to be thrown at it. So I’ve felt like I’ve been uninspired in the fitness category and have really missed a lot of my usual activities. I’m also a stress eater and so have packed on pounds. Which feels like it undid all the good the year before had done when I was lifting weights, biking and walking loads. So now it’s back, slowly and carefully, to square one. It is, for 62, a truly minor line item. I’m still basically healthy as a horse and recognize how fortunate that makes me. So not a win for sure but on the way I hope.

There have been wins in the inspiration column but damned if I can think what they are. Which is why I guess the words are escaping me.

I mean I’ve written a lot of words this last year. 101 blog posts on this site, 365 on the daily photo site, a few in the travel/camper one and some exciting ones over at the original 1918 Eaton’s Eager site. So I would put that in the inspired column. There were some tough heavy posts about Indigenous matters, a few about mental health (as always) and a lot of #Sundaystills challenges. A few reflections on retirement, life in general and aging.

One never knows what blog post will gather the most interest and none of these top 12 are anywhere close to the reader numbers on older posts. But none the less as I read and review these ones, I recognize that my writing is honest, from the heart and occasionally funny. But that the titles mean nothing or my memory is bad…as I always have to review the post to remember what the title meant.

Overall it amounted to a lot of regular readers hunkering down with my words, something I am so grateful for. And, just perhaps, someone will feel inspired by something I wrote. As always the comments make my day. It’s the connection that I seek with my words. The sense that my words are heard and understood. So thanks.

Words. For over a decade I’ve done a word of the year. Some I’ve repeated twice to get a “handle” on them. Words such as disengage and balance. Adult children living at home caused me to use the first one a couple of times as I found that a huge challenge. They were boomerang children and it seemed to occur regularly that I would have to draw a deep breath and step back. Then I tried balance and discovered that, once committed to a thing or a cause or even a person, there is no half way clause in my personality. Took a while to learn that but now I accept that sometimes I go all in and once “it’s” completed I have to re-balance. Walks, reading, writing, creative time, better sleeping and eating habits. Which really rolls into self care. Not my strongest habit but one that I am now recognizing needs to be at the forefront of more decisions. I learnt a lot a few years ago after a very difficult work situation and blogged it here at Resiliency. Things I really wish I had sought out earlier than my final chapter of 38 years in the Operating Room.

My word and card wall

I’ve been super blessed that each year my card making friend creates a unique one of a kind card for my kitchen ledge that features the word and it’s meaning. I’ve saved each one and put it into my attic creative space.

Which should technically bring me to this year’s word and the conclusion of this blog post. But… things transpire and time clicks on by and here the word and the post sit in limbo. The link for #Sundaystills by Terri over at https://secondwindleisure.com won’t be valid if I can’t find inspiration one more time.

Around me there are signs, songs, poetry, posts and thoughts. So it seems to flit around me but I’m not sure and I’m not sure why I’m not sure. Clear as mud hey.

Do I chose hope or light

A bit of a meandering thought here. We are prone to watching romantic comedies. Sandra Bullock stared as an FBI agent undercover at the Miss USA pageant. All the contestants were asked a question and their standard answer was “world peace”. She refused to give that answer but then in the end tacked on it on as an afterthought. It was like too “pat” of a concept, too big and too unlikely to happen.

That’s sort of how hope and light feel. Like they are shifty creatures, not ready to be used as a standard pat answer. Hard to tackle and grasp as a here is my WOTY and how I intend to live through it by it. See how slippery it is. I mean we all turn on the light but are we lit from inside? Does hope spring from the light or does it grow in the darkness? Does the hope come from a low glowing light?

Enough says the voice in my head Pick one and find your way

So it goes that hope returns

in the darkest of hours

One step at a time

Courtesy of a talented friend who coincidentally choose Hope as her WOTY

7 days and 17/1819 edits to the post. Long overdue. People are booking things into February now and New Year’s already seems about 2 months ago. The world, at many levels, feels full of doom and gloom and oh let’s not forget Covid.

So let’s hope. On many levels. Little hopes and big hopes.

Bernie

Author:

I have had a love of the written word for my entire life. It's no surprise that eventually I found a platform where I could write. It's random; sometimes funny, occasionally sad, maybe even at times from anger and I lean towards creative photography and hands on crafts. I have a few blogs that high light these interests.

31 thoughts on “#Sundaystills ’21 A mirror on Inspire

  1. I definitely wouldn’t call it a fail if your character is still in your head. Sometimes they don’t come out until they’re good and ready. I sometimes feel as though they’re all lolling around up there in my brain on beanbags drinking tequila waiting for their turn. It’s why the little wins and the almost wins are so important. Here’s hoping (see what I did there?) your muse visits when she’s meant to do so.

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    1. “on beanbags drinking tequila waiting their turn”. LOL — that’s a great line. My muse visits during the insomnia but she and I can’t ever seem to connect during the day. Plus I try to write without conversation because while I can talk a mile a minute I can’t seem to write about talking without it sounding stilted. And so I end up getting stumped about how to do this or that without a lot of speech. Maybe someday they will all jump onto the paper. I mean one character actually has a private blog, chapters and outlines and character sketches. So maybe… Thanks for stopping in to read Jo and to comment. Always nice to have new visitors. Bernie

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Bernie. I’m new to your blog. I discovered it through the Word of the Year Link Party. It’s nice to “meet” you. The world, and each of us individually, can certainly use more hope right now. I certainly understand that “Hope” can feel like too pat of an answer, but without it, we give into despair and inaction. So carry on, and I hope to hear more from you throughout the year. (See what I did there? 😉)

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    1. Nice to met a new reader Christie. Yes hope seems in short supply and right now in our personal lives as well but we keep stepping forward and moving along. Not much else one can do but carry on as you say. Hope to connect with your blog one of these days when I can make some time to read (see what I did there?). Thanks again for stopping in. Bernie

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    1. It is special and I have kept all but one of them — not sure what happened to it. They sit on my sink ledge and I look at them daily. Thanks for reading and enjoying the post Kirstin. Hope all is well with you. Bernie

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  3. Hope is a great word for the year ahead Bernie! I am one of those 123 from Australia!! Love the connections blogging brings us and yes I’m always inspired by others who are honest and authentic 🙂

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      1. It was a reflection and a look ahead. Hope seems to trickle in but sometimes I just focus on the little things. It’s a beautiful day today at -7 with sunshine and we are off to have a fire and cook hot dogs with our grandkids. Thanks for reading and hosting the link up. Bernie

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  4. Definitely a reflective post, Bernie, amidst another year of uncertainty and over-reaction to just about everything. Hope is an excellent word because without hope, we really have nothing else. And hope is a future fulfillment, because it is an intangible that can only be felt by the one hoping. Your reflection fits in the future of this week’s SS theme, so you are among friends and links here 🙂

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    1. Yes the world is very focused on all the negative 10% and forget about the 90% positives. So many issues on so many levels that at times it does feel hopeless. Or maybe I’m just not in a good headspace right now. Thanks for linking me to the future and the rear view mirror as it really kind of did hit both. Take care. Bernie

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  5. I tend to look on the bright side and for the good in people and this world!
    Thankful for each new day, hoping to care for others and myself as able…
    Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

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    1. Perhaps it’s the patient in affliction that then can dim my hope. I also try hard to find the positives but sometimes life pushes you into a corner and it makes you reach deep. Thanks for the thoughtful comment. Sorry for the late response. Take care. Bernie

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      1. Oh I this is what I strive for but there are days I fall short…
        this season has many of those days. So I hope…
        Thanks for sharing your thoughts as you do!

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  6. I enjoy reading your blog and am glad you write it. I don’t know that I’ve ever done a systematic review of my past year in blogging as you have. I do know that I’m often amazed by which posts friends and readers find interesting– and which ones I think are the best. Happy New Year, HOPE it’ll be a great one for you

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  7. You always find a way to articulate your thoughts into words for the rest of us to read and reflect on. One question: why can we only use ONE word to reflect on as we journey into this new year? I think we are restricting and cheating ourselves of many other comforting emotions (and we all know that true comfort is an elusive emotion these past few years!). Hope is an excellent word, yes ….. but I am going to throw in love, laughter, happiness, pride, content, grateful, excited, accepting, thankful,………..maybe I can challenge myself to be the best ‘me’ I can be as I get older and move forward – and try not to get caught up on one single ‘word’, unless the word is “ME” as I learn to be peaceful and gentle with myself!

    (It is always a pleasure to hang out with you. You are not afraid to ask the hard questions which make us dig deeper into our own selves, and make us better! Thank you!)

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    1. Ah such kind thoughtful words my friend. It touches my heart that you can see my intentions and respect my hard questions and help me grow. As to words — yes we can use many as long as we don’t get lost in them. Perhaps that is why I narrow mine down but I think that HOPE can be applied to love, to laughter (please let there be more in my future), hope that I can find gratitude and excitement and be thankful and accepting. Hope that things within me and outside of my control can be more peaceful (doesn’t that just seem like a big fancy pipe dream). I like your idea to be the best version of yourself — I think you are a pretty darn good ME. HUGS. Bernie

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  8. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Nobody told us when we were young, that it would be so hard to stay fit as we got older. IT is a chore and each morning, we are happy just to wake up without a new ache or pain. As to Hope, I agree that is the WOTY and works on so many levels. Without hope, we just sit, doing nothing. I hope this year is better for all. Stay well Bernie. Allan

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    1. On so many levels — Covid being the obvious one but there are so many items and issues that have been shoved behind the pandemic. Hope needs to go to each and every one who faces those other situations; cancer, mental health, indigenous concerns or climate change impact (drought and the farmer’s spring to mind as a farmer’s daughter). The list is endless. Thanks for stopping in Margaret. Nice to hear from you and Happy New Year. Bernie

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    1. No need to start it at 0530 on a Saturday am though! Thanks my friend. Nice to have the confirmation you are still out there reading and creating cards in your “spare” time. Bernie

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    1. Yeah I am definitely an all in. Right now I feel all out; really not finding my grove right now so I am putting trust in the word HOPE to move me. Thanks for reading, commenting and staying tuned in. Bernie

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    1. And yet Deb somehow it just didn’t want to jell. It was like a slippery fish ?? Yes I think every year needs hope. Every day needs some hope. There are moments that need hope. Thanks for reading and commenting. Bernie

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