There are a lot of blessings for sure but they are running alongside some significant buts…
None of them are directly my story but they are concerns that flit about my headspace regularly. They obviously take up the part of my brain that is required for writing as I’ve started 4 posts and finished none. Which is very unusual for me…
I’ve decided to try amalgamation and see if I can get some kind of flow going. I won’t know till I try.
I was reading a blog the other day and the writer commented that she hadn’t written in eons as she didn’t consider blogging writing. Her concept was that if it wasn’t a manuscript this was just filling space up in your head. Hm, I obviously don’t agree with that. This is a combo journal, diary and project recorder for me. A single post, when reviewed, takes me back and evokes that moment in my life. Just like you can remember where you were when you heard JFK was shot or that Terry Fox died or about 911. I have vivid memories of all of those moments and so many more.
The writing below was from an early garden day last week. The kind of day that happens ever spring and is just sheer bliss despite the hard work. The kind of day that feels steadfast in its regular appearance in my life.
The sounds of farming truly surrounds me.
The dust from three Massey combines competes with the noise of the John Deere tractor pulling a seeder.
The sounds of nature are ever-present.
Sandhill cranes high in sky while meadowlarks and kill deer surround me.
Sound of my real life ever present.
Soft meow of the cat after a successful hunt, the panting of the dog lying in the shade.
Contentment rolls inside me.
And then reality hits that it’s not just this little space. This bubble existence can really cut you off and when you live rural it’s so easy to forget for periods of time. There are so many struggles and they are real. It pulls at my heart strings and because I am a care giver I want to “do” but do what? I can’t make Covid19 and its side effects disappear any more than I can make cancer screw off. There are people out there with such heavy loads. I can reach out and touch them and let them know I can walk beside them but it doesn’t seem like enough. But maybe it is. If we all reach out a helping hand like the Hunter Brother’s Just Wanted You to Know sing about. If we drop off cream for a friend. If we pick up the phone or email and check in on someone. If you “Ninja” a health care worker and drop off their favourite things. If you pay it forward in some way shape or form. But then I think “have I been doing any or enough of these things”. Told you my head has been in a weird spot. A regular reader stopped by with my dream gift!! ♥️
Does this wrap up my head space? There are so many positives. I have used this job free time to make the most of my time at home. I am motoring through projects like crazy. I’m working on some good self care routines. The creative time has been outstanding. Daily I do dance parties and read stories too my little granddaughter. Distance means no hugs but it doesn’t mean no love.
I’ve now tied 2 of the 4 draft blog posts together! I have one more about baking bread which is a very in thing to do during the pandemic. So much so that yeast and flour are as hard to find as toilet paper. The other post is about a commitment I have made which deserves it’s own post. Perhaps now the words for the other ones will drop into place.
As per a couple of blogs ago please don’t worry about me. I am all right; it’s just the heart on my sleeve that occasionally takes a hit in these unprecedented times. I just need to re balance and focus on the positives while letting go of the things which are beyond my control.
Ah the joys of blogging — I hit save and went to insert a picture and it seemed like the last updated version was lost. Totally derailed by technology. It’s taken some concentrated effort to find the correct version and get it back into the phone for the pictures.