Posted in health, retirement

Thoughtful Thursday

I shed tears last evening, which given the current world situation, isn’t all that surprising. What dropped me over the edge was


the pictures of exhausted health care providers with mask lines from so many hours of practicing isolation protocol. No food, no drinks, no pee breaks and often fighting a losing battle. The Italian nurse was mentally broken. It was a glimpse into what could be the reality for my friends and colleagues still on the front line. Which gave me, once again, pause for much thought.

My professional association has put out a call for retired nurses to become reinstated. Now I’m not retired but I am laid off from my private operating room. I’ve thought about this at length over the last few days.

My skill set is so specialized and the Operating Rooms are on slow down with all electives being cancelled. They are running like a basic holiday schedule to keep urgent care provided. They are all waiting for the “shoe to drop” so to speak.

If I volunteered to step back into the health region I would be going into an uncharted territory. One that probably won’t have a lot of time for training and without training one can make errors. Even if they put me on a ward to do that kind of nursing I’d be lost. Basically I haven’t given a medication to a patient in 39 years. I would flounder.

I would also expose myself and my other half to the virus at our “age”. We are in the demographic that is at risk and while we don’t have any underlying health issues that would play a role in the illness who knows. 4 to 6% of the population will need an ICU bed with a ventilator. Here in Saskatchewan we have 71 ventilators and a population of 1 M. Math isn’t my strong suit but I can tell you that it’s not a pretty picture.

So I will be a “hero” and save lives by staying home. It comes with a fairly hefty level of guilt that I am trying to dissolve. Ask my family — even if I wasn’t on call it was very rare that I said no to going in when work called with an emergency that required more hands. But I’ve done my time and handed the torch to a younger generation.  I am thankful that they are just as skilled, compassionate and energetic as I once was. I will step aside and wash the guilt down the drain as I wash my hands. I am thankful that we have a dedicated committed group of health care providers here in Canada and that some of them are my friends and colleagues. The other side of “this” may look a long way away right now but thank you for what you do.

Stand apart but stay connected.



PS no disregard meant to all those other front line workers like essential retail, delivery services and the likes. It’s just that the above was my focus for so many years.

PPS gratitude post tomorrow with maybe some lighter sides of life. Focus on the positives so to speak.

PPPS what the heck — a day time blog? Usually I post at 11:30 on not am. That’s a significant shift for me!


I have had a love of the written word for my entire life. It's no surprise that eventually I found a platform where I could write. It's random; sometimes funny, occasionally sad, maybe even at times from anger and I lean towards creative photography and hands on crafts. I have a few blogs that high light these interests.

18 thoughts on “Thoughtful Thursday

    1. My friend — thanks for stopping in and commenting. You’d at least be able to give meds with your more recent experience but I think it best that we stay home.
      Ah we had some good days together didn’t we? I still miss working with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Those were the best days with our team!!!
        Also, I wouldn’t really trust which fire they would throw us into, as you know what happens when sh~~ hits the fan, which would be unfair to all sides!
        Ah…for the “good ol’ days!”


      2. I sometimes look at the picture of our dream team day. The good thing is we did then appreciate what we had.
        Yeah I really don’t want to be in that fan thanks. You’re making me feel better about my choice!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh I totally concur with all you said. For me too, the worst is the guilt….but we know exactly what things are and can be like-a situation I don’t want to myself in for many reasons-that some wouldn’t understand, but I know you do! Yes I am glad to see you write all that I have thought, and am glad for understanding and not being the only “guilty one”. Yes we did our share of crap, and thankfully didn’t have Covid then! We passed the torch!!!


      4. It is the guilt // let’s just agree to wash it down the drain when we wash your hands. I do understand. Oh yea we had our share of crap // often literally. Like a code B_ _ _ _ _ !

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Thank you for making (be it very hard) the right decision, for the right time, for the right reasons.


  2. I love the heart and wisdom of your post today Bernie. And yes, ultimately, being in this demographic means we have the mental capacity to make tough decisions that are best for all – and the heart to let the guilt go down that drain — it doesn’t serve anyone! Much gratitude for your wise choices and wisdom.


    1. Ah thanks for the vote of support Louise. The guilt is the hard part but I will work on just releasing it into an exhale –a trick I might have picked up from you!


  3. We can all do our bit by doing our best to avoid getting sick and placing more pressure on our health care system. As a retired lab manager and microbiologist, there is probably some place I could be put to use as well, but how does that help if I end up taking up a hospital bed?



  4. At tough decision indeed, Bernie and good on you for considering. In my previous career, I was involved in 3 disaster recoveries and had similar thoughts of volunteering to help after I retired, but it was not in the same league of danger as your choice. Stay well. Allan


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