Posted in garden, grandchildren, Random ramblings, retirement, rural life, Self Care

Mindful Insomnia

A gentle breeze, smelling of a soft rain, wafts through the open windows. The pre dawn colour awakens as do the

calves in the pasture, quietly calling out to Momma for a morning feed.

I quietly, and by hand so to minimize noise, mix up cookies and muffins. The “larder” is empty and the severe bout of insomnia seemed like a good enough reason to bake in the pre dawn hours. That and the house will stay cooler if I do it now.

Sleep has totally alluded me and growing frustrated I decide rather to get up and embrace this quiet time. I try to practise a mindfulness that has me appreciating the hand mixing of the ingredients. The dishes clutter the counter, and despite my almost fanatical cleaning streak, will remain haphazardly stacked until such time as my other half arises to greet the day. The foster puppy has slumbered through my trips to the pantry for supplies and the beeping of the oven timer. For this I am very grateful.

I fill the cannisters I’ve emptied and restock the spice containers. These quiet activities help keep me centered and focused. The words for the blog filter through my head like the sunlight through the early morning cloud. I sneak outside for a picture to accompany the post and hope the puppy doesn’t want to rise.

I sit quietly at the kitchen table, it’s not usual for me to be up before six. I’m much more of a night owl but falling asleep at 4:30 just means I get warped around and sleep till 10. Much better to find quiet activities.

I suspect that, once the oven goods (2 sets of muffins and 2 kinds of cookies,) are all cooling on the rack I will move on to the garden for an hour or so. I doubt the 20 minutes of light rain will mean it is too wet to weed. The weeds seems to multiple at a faster rate than the vegetables and I struggle, like usual, the keep on top of them. Ironic because I left mother/brother’s garden looking so amazing.

The day will need to be a busy productive one followed by, one can only hope, what is a good night’s sleep.

I struggle not to succumb to the tiredness as sleeping now just doesn’t really work but at 5:30, as the birds rise, I fall asleep in the main floor bedroom. Knowing that if I sleep too long I will screw up my sleep schedule even worse I set my alarm for 8:00.

I wake slowly, groggy. I punch the snooze button a few times. I hear my other half making coffee and feeding the puppy. The sprinkler starts. I arise, feeling about as gray as the clouds that now obscure the sun. The early morning baking has been packed away in the freezer and we work together to calm the chaos.

The puppy, being a puppy, charms me. The old gray retriever is quite indulgent of her. But that charm wears off quickly in the garden when she precedes to dig a hole right over top of the potato plant. Then next she has my extra garden gloves followed by an episode of chewing one of the row markers.

The morning has slipped away from me. I hit the shower running late, which seemed to be the story of my working life but I was hoping that semi retired was going to not include that.

I literally walk in to my appointment exactly on time. I leave the city about an hour later; heading towards the best part of a long day. A certain little grandson seems to nap best on a chest and today that was me. It was soothing to rock him to sleep and I wondered why I couldn’t use the same technique on myself! Big sister had a “Biscuit” story (her favourite) and then settled easily for a nap.

Late afternoon found me charging my solar battery while picking saskatoons with a friend. There will be more on that adventure in tomorrow’s blog about who won the questionnaire and how berry picking can be hazardous to the health.

The evening was spent quietly productive. The puppy and the old guy played outside the garden while I attacked more weeds. The peace and quiet of rural life fills my soul up. It was the exact ending I needed for the rather long day it had been. I spent considerable time today remembering and reflecting on mindfulness. I strove to find the positives amid the noise of regular life. As per my usual I was drawn to the sunset. A few minutes more of quiet reflection and a chance to finish up the blog.

Now for the part of my day that I want, need and yet dread. It seems insomnia isn’t something I’ve whipped into shape. Wish me luck and stay tuned for tomorrow’s update on the berry saga.

Bernie

Author:

I have had a love of the written word for my entire life. It's no surprise that eventually I found a platform where I could write. It's random; sometimes funny, occasionally sad, maybe even at times from anger and I lean towards creative photography and hands on crafts. I have a few blogs that high light these interests.

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