Posted in Random ramblings

Worst Enemy

I am, without a doubt, my own worst enemy. I’m chronically tired but always go to bed late because I’m doing one more thing. I feel fat and frumpy so I eat more cookies. Like loads more cookies. I have crazy tight muscles and should stretch out every day but stretching happens occasionally. It’s super easy to see the trend.

Now to entirely, and it will seem somewhat randomly, change the thread of the conversation. Every year I pick a focus word. It’s usually an area where I feel I could use some “reflection”. One year it was disengage as we had adult children living at home 😏. I tried the word balance for two years in a row and then did a long post about how balance is more important in our physical body than in the life we live. Then I tried moderation and came to the same conclusion. I tried a different tangent last year and used a word generator so focused on confidence, prosperity and success. Not at all sure about the outcome there. At times I have oodles of confidence and then in the next scenario (which usually involves dress clothes) I have none. Prosperity and success have more than one meaning which is good because in the most common usage I feel they are more material centred than inside depth charges.

Back to my original thread about being my one worst enemy. The word for this year has been staring me in the face now for a few months and I just needed to recognize it. Sometimes it takes a gentle prod from those that love us deeply to make us search for tough answers.

I need to spend this year working on self care. Self care has many definitions and levels with hundreds of books written about it. I was doing some research and read this really good article called self care tips . I was searching for images for the blog, because everyone likes the visuals, and there are hundreds of options for what self care looks like but having a gourmet coffee doesn’t do much for me.

As you can see from the images the concept of self care runs the gamut but I would say that Buddha’s saying speaks to me. Lots of the items on the posts don’t represent self care to me so I will make my own.

I do love myself but often don’t give myself the attention I need. It’s time to review my values and my lifestyle and set some a plan in place. The plan then will be to start with a list and then get creative with my own concept of self care. Stay tuned for it as it won’t be happening instantly.

Which is why this post has taken me two weeks to write (make that 3 as I kept preempting it on the weekend). I’ve actually gone so far as to set up a bedtime reminder. At that point I set down the tasks and the phone and focus on a quiet bedtime. The bonus is supposed to be time to read a book for a few minutes.

I’ve also been journaling which is a million miles from blogging. I’ve had lots of good conversations with some of my nearest and dearest to ascertain my current status (which I believe is very tired and suffering from SAD) I’ve made a short term goal (one week) of 4 self care items to do. I will continue to do this with various items each week. I am hopeful that by rotating up these short term goals that it will keep me on track to turn these into habits. It’s never the short term that’s an issue. It’s sustaining the charge so to speak. In fact I’ve done a blog post called They Say where I talk about the research done regarding changing habits. But for today I’ll just be pleased that I managed these 4 goals and build on them. One day at a time.

All this in time for #BellLetsTalk. Mental health is a huge part of self care as it is the essence of keeping our soul intact. There are days when the pressures do build up and life seems tough. I so try to stay focused on the positives but I can totally understand why sometimes that is not enough. When it isn’t we need to be strong enough to reach out for help and put ourselves first.


6 thoughts on “Worst Enemy

  1. Wow – we share so many of the same thoughts about ourselves, and many of the same issues. I, however, do go to bed at a reasonable time and usually manage to get enough sleep. So I need to do other things to increase my energy – like regular exercise. Here’s my suggestion – just establish 1 or 2 goals for yourself and see what you can accomplish toward a smaller number of goals. So pick ONE self-care activity that really appeals to you. And do it as often as you can fit it in and feels most reasonable. I remember a time when I was so depressed that getting out of bed was an accomplishment – at that time I made a list of things I needed to do. That list was so basic, you wouldn’t believe it. Top of the list after getting out of bed was washing my face and brushing my teeth. After that, anything I did was a bonus. Making it easy on yourself is one way to set yourself up for success. Other thoughts: you don’t have to earn your cake at your age and stage in life – you should just be able to eat as much damn cake as you want. On confidence: It is normal to have holes in your self-image and self-confidence. So if you lack confidence on one area of your life – join the rest of us. Thank you for this blog – it makes you feel like such a real and genuine person to me! Brenda


    1. Brenda,
      I suspect our shared upbringing with parents who had similar values is partially responsible for our characteristics that line up. Isn’t it interesting that when we were growing up you seemed so much older and now the difference isn’t significant at all.
      I love your comment about having holes in your self image and confidence! That’s exactly how mine is. It’s always interesting too when people don’t understand the lack of confidence because they think “you have it made” because of the fact that I am outgoing and a people person.
      I’ve never faced depression like that but know many that have. It’s a tough road to move along and easy to become mired in the bottom of the well. Kudos to you for moving forward. I suspect you could have written a better Bell Let’s Talk blog post than I did as I have only walked a small amount of the road.
      Setting up for success always seems so easy on paper but somehow in reality seems harder. I think it is because we are indeed our own worst enemy and are so critical of what we do. Every day, in some ways, I have to build myself up. I am sure I am not alone in this. That’s why I focus so much on positives but I suspect in many ways it is quite similar to your gratitude thoughts.
      Thanks for stopping in to leave a thoughtful comment.


  2. Well that was a difficult read! You are definitely not alone in your struggles to balance out your life and look for the time where we can recharge. Sometimes there is the guilt over doing that self care that gets in our way. Not that my husband would ever say anything about the self care, but we feel guilty when we do. Why is that?


    1. Was it a difficult read because you did some self evaluation or because my writing didn’t come across clearly.
      I really don’t understand why self care is so hard. I truly don’t – the basic ones should just be habit but I have to fight myself all the time. I guess I just want my cake without having to earn it so to speak. As to the guilt — I think so many women feel so much guilt over things they don’t control. It’s something to work on in the “letting go category”.
      Thanks for the note! Makes my day when someone connects and comments.


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