I reviewed my blog post from August 16,2015 this am called Finish Strong It’s pretty freaky that almost all those same thoughts are running through my head one year later. Everything in there resonates with me still but I’ve added one new wrinkle. Surprisingly enough not to my face but to my brain.
Finish Strong talks about being goal orientated and how I often, with perseverance, make it through things I would rather quit. It touches on how I do this at work, with quilting and home projects but how I utterly fail at a sustained effort when it comes to the extra 25 pounds I carry around. Chocolate and beer, lemon loaf and bbq peanuts all seem to call my name louder than the finish strong does. Maybe I should try the mantra “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” although I have no desire to be skinny but would like to get back to a much more weight appropriate level for my height. Skinny is for models and people with personality issues; I love food way too much to go there.
Now back to why this is freaky. All of the above things are as true today as they were a year ago. But for the wrinkle.
My two weeks off this summer went by in a blur of two days with my mom, three days at the lake for R & R, three days with company, two days working on the way and two days with rain delays and or garden time. It didn’t seem like enough; maybe I am just forgetful and it feels that way every year but this year it seemed especially hard to go back to work. The alarm was jarring, going to bed at a decent time is the usual struggle and the place is so dark. Seriously it is a dungeon. The few windows we could go look through in the public hallway have been totally boarded up, the entrance to Ellis Hall (where I spend my morning and afternoon breaks) is hoarded up with construction. The Queens’ garden; my usual lunch time oasis, is full of noisy people and about 15 gophers. I’m having trouble finding the groove, the afternoon headaches have returned with a vengeance. Perhaps it boils down to the wrinkle.
The darkness of less light (wow how poorly worded is that?) is approaching. The sun got up today 10 minutes before me today and that won’t last like that for long. The commuter walk is going to get old real quick in the dead of winter; spoilt as I was for 15 years with door to door service in the am. Which leads me back squarely to the wrinkle.
I’m amazed at how quickly Ron knew what it was that I’m squirreling around in my brain. The wrinkle is that I would like to be retiring like so many of my friends. Now not all of them are there yet but in my very close nursing friends a number of them have just retired. Some of my favourite colleagues have retired or just work very casual hours. Plus Ron is home all day; granted he is working on professional development stuff in the am, but he’s home. I see how nice it is not to have a schedule to adhere to.
So somehow I have to change my perspective on this and turn the wrinkle into a goal or a project with a deadline such as staying strong till next August. I need to change my thought processes from “I wish” to “someday I will”. I regularly review my gratitude at the end of the day but I need to find the gratitude in my professional day. I need to bloom where I am planted and continue to give my all with a smile and not a grumble inside my brain.
Now I’m having second thoughts about hitting publish as it seems like a public pity party and whine fest. Or, to put a different spin on it, a readjustment to my attitude so in keeping with that I am going to list my gratitude’s for my professional day.
- Our pediatric patient smiled for me and was very cooperative
- I scrubbed an interesting ORIF of an ankle & despite dropping 4 items it was a good case
- My young colleague continues to step up to the challenge of supporting our new staff & myself while I educate them
- I worked with a great team today and we had some chuckles
- The hours are out and I don’t work Thanksgiving or Remembrance Day (never mind that I work Christmas as that schedule isn’t actually out yet)
- We started on time and our changeovers were quick & efficient
- My boss was ok with storing my bike seems I couldn’t find my lock