Freaky 

I reviewed my blog post from August 16,2015 this am called Finish Strong  It’s pretty freaky that almost all those same thoughts are running through my head one year later. Everything in there resonates with me still but I’ve added one new wrinkle. Surprisingly enough not to my face but to my brain.

Finish Strong talks about being goal orientated and how I often, with perseverance, make it through things I would rather quit. It touches on how I do this at work, with quilting and home projects but how I utterly fail at a sustained effort when it comes to the extra 25 pounds I carry around. Chocolate and beer, lemon loaf and bbq peanuts all seem to call my name louder than the finish strong does. Maybe I should try the mantra “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” although I have no desire to be skinny but would like to get back to a much more weight appropriate level for my height. Skinny is for models and people with personality issues; I love food way too much to go there.

Now back to why this is freaky. All of the above things are as true today as they were a year ago. But for the wrinkle.

My two weeks off this summer went by in a blur of two days with my mom, three days at the lake for R & R, three days with company, two days working on the way and two days with rain delays and or garden time. It didn’t seem like enough; maybe I am just forgetful and it feels that way every year but this year it seemed especially hard to go back to work. The alarm was jarring, going to bed at a decent time is the usual struggle and the place is so dark. Seriously it is a dungeon. The few windows we could go look through in the public hallway have been totally boarded up, the entrance to Ellis Hall (where I spend my morning and afternoon breaks) is hoarded up with construction. The Queens’ garden; my usual lunch time oasis, is full of noisy people and about 15 gophers. I’m having trouble finding the groove, the afternoon headaches have returned with a vengeance.  Perhaps it boils down to the wrinkle.

The darkness of less light (wow how poorly worded is that?) is approaching. The sun got up today 10 minutes before me today and that won’t last like that for long. The commuter walk is going to get old real quick in the dead of winter; spoilt as I was for 15 years with door to door service in the am. Which leads me back squarely to the wrinkle.

  

I’m amazed at how quickly Ron knew what it was that I’m squirreling around in my brain. The wrinkle is that I would like to be retiring like so many of my friends. Now not all of them are there yet but in my very close nursing friends a number of them have just retired. Some of my favourite colleagues have retired or just work very casual hours. Plus Ron is home all day; granted he is working on professional development stuff in the am, but he’s home. I see how nice it is not to have a schedule to adhere to.

So somehow I have to change my perspective on this and turn the wrinkle into a goal or a project with a deadline such as staying strong till next August. I need to change my thought processes from “I wish” to “someday I will”. I regularly review my gratitude at the end of the day but I need to find the gratitude in my professional day. I need to bloom where I am planted and continue to give my all with a smile and not a grumble inside my brain.

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Growing out of a tree: blooming were planted so to speak
Now I’m having second thoughts about hitting publish as it seems like a public pity party and whine fest. Or, to put a different spin on it, a readjustment to my attitude so in keeping with that I am going to list my gratitude’s for my professional day.

Gratitudes Today

  • Our pediatric patient smiled for me and was very cooperative
  • I scrubbed an interesting ORIF of an ankle & despite dropping 4 items it was a good case
  • My young colleague continues to step up to the challenge of supporting our new staff & myself while I educate them
  • I worked with a great team today and we had some chuckles
  • The hours are out and I don’t work Thanksgiving or Remembrance Day (never mind that I work Christmas as that schedule isn’t actually out yet)
  • We started on time and our changeovers were quick & efficient
  • My boss was ok with storing my bike seems I couldn’t find my lock

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “Freaky 

  1. MamboJam August 26, 2016 / 1:39 pm

    Thank you for being you. I enjoyed reading this!

    Like

    • bernielynne August 26, 2016 / 4:38 pm

      haha — hard to be anyone else. I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes which can be bad but that’s “how I roll”. I am always all in and after those first couple of days I have gotten “over it”.
      Thanks for always stopping in and leaving a comment — you have no idea how much that means to me!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Brenda Bacon August 17, 2016 / 6:10 pm

    Not whining – just lots of honesty about how you are feeling. When people get to the end of a challenging career, I think it is normal to begin to feel a bit of fatigue. Your approach of listing your daily gratitudes is a good solution. Let me know if you find a solution to those extra 25 pounds – I have about 40 that I should deal with. But wine and cookies and ice cream seem to call loudly to me!

    Like

    • bernielynne August 17, 2016 / 6:38 pm

      Thanks Brenda for the feedback. I almost didn’t post it as I did think it sounded whiny. I felt much better today and have a long list of gratitudes in my head about what a good day it was. So I think I’m good for another year!
      As to the 25/40 pounds — there is only one solution and it’s just too radical. We need to cut out the things we love the most but then life is all about denying and sacrifice and, as you know, life is too short to live like that. But perhaps we could just cut back here and there and up the exercise. Or we could go share some cookies — hm fresh chocolate chip from the oven!!!

      Like

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