Off Kilter 

I would definitely have to say that I’ve been out of sorts for a month or two. As per usual I bury it all for a while under the busy until finally I have to haul it out and deal with it.

Locally known as the crocked tree park!

So once I took my head out of the book (whoever invented iBooks wasn’t a compulsive reader) and examined the items that were digging at me I easily recognized the triggers.

  1. The late January ankle injury meant I quite exercising. A month ago I limped through 500 measly meters at the pool. Walking hurt, especially after a work day, so I decreased that. On the downward turn all ready I then skipped any time on the bike; assuming, without trying it, that it would hurt my ankle. I also quit doing my stretches. I know better but somehow I feel off the keep fit and active keel in my life. This never ends well but I’m taking it back.
  2. We decided this was the year to go big on our RRSP contributions as it was time. We have been putting more into the house and land projects for a few years and it was time to refocus on our long term goals as well. Added to that was a temporary outlay of some cash and I felt the usual tightening in my chest occur from debt.   This is a good time to explain that my husband and I have slightly different philosophies and so sometimes what is really the right thing to do makes me “inside agitated”. When I get like that I avoid all financial obligations until the weight of them crushes me back to my weekly routine. I’m happy to report taxes are all done and things (ie debt reduction) is coming along nicely again.
  3. The “to do” list which seems so insignificant that I hesitate to mention it. Remember though that I am very goal and project orientated. I have been known to do an item that wasn’t on the list, write it down and then cross it off for the satisfaction of that completed stroke. I’ve been working off the same list since mid January and have accomplished very little that was on it.  I made cookies a few times though as baking soothes my soul. The thing was that I spent so much time sewing on, picking up or emailing about Haiti quilts that my own list got lost. Which I kept telling myself was ok and that it was just for a while.
  4. The whole attic situation referenced in number 3. The multitudes of projects  on the go. Just not my style and it doesn’t feel good inside. The mess on the outside was very overwhelming. I eventually sorted through all the projects and have it under control now. I was also fighting with my new to me sewing machine while under time constraints and that was not helping. So now I’m going to set aside some time to tackle learning the machine.
  5. The dark of winter. Those long days of going to and from work in the dark. I haven’t checked sunlight stats this year but it felt cloudier than most or I just didn’t handle it as well. I did all my usual things to counteract the dark. Is it coincidence that since the light has returned that my mood has lightened? There are those that would say no.
  6. Again a usual winter issue with 25 pounds packed on and it feels awful. Somehow it never feels bad enough that eating chocolate chip cookies or drinking beer seems like a bad idea. The irony of my usual words good choices every day echoes in my head when i get off kilter and eat bad choices.  It’s time to make good choices, she says as she is drinking a beer while blogging.
IMG_2418
This cracked me up! I decided to work on the blog post while enjoying a beer on the steps. I opened the beer to this message!!

These are all, in the big picture, miniscule items. I know that and I have reminded myself regularly about the Final 31  of gratitude items. I’ve had several internal arguments with myself about the insignificance of these issues. My other half, as per usual, is the sane outside voice. The Haiti mission  that I still can’t adequately describe as evidenced by There Isn’t One Word happened which doubly reinforced my blessings. The day’s got longer and somehow i came out on the other side. Refocused, rejuvenated and goal orientated with a healthy dose of OCD thrown in but somehow it all seems to be in balance. I’m striving for moderation, even with my lists, maybe more so with the lists.

I started this post about a week ago and it has taken me several attempts to finish it; two parts to why that was. One was that I had the feet knocked out from under me/us(that will be the next blog post on Tuesday) and the other is that sometimes it’s difficult to strike that balance of how much to share.  In the end I went for the real depth of the issues versus the superficial and that made me think about the White picket fence .

Bernie

 

4 thoughts on “Off Kilter 

  1. mambojam April 5, 2016 / 2:42 am

    The beer cap is the best 🙂 I can relate to this post more than you know!

    Like

    • bernielynne April 5, 2016 / 10:09 am

      I think it’s important to keep it real — life isn’t all sunshine and smiles. Sometimes it is a struggle and people, from the outside, only see the facade we present and they think life is wonderful because you live in a big house. It’s way more complex than that.
      Sending you a hug cause you need one.

      Like

      • mambojam April 6, 2016 / 1:49 pm

        Well said Bernie. I rarely if ever have preconconcieved notions about anyone. It’s never reality. My opinion is never thier reality. Thanks for the hug. Right back at you!

        Like

  2. Georgina April 2, 2016 / 11:07 pm

    I write things on lists just so I can cross them off too!!

    Like

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