Grief makes us uncomfortable and society feels like there’s a deadline for closure. But really there isn’t. It’s not like milk with a best before date. That year of firsts is hard but there are always days that are hard after that. There is no magic formula about moving on with life and everyone faces it in their own way. The quote below rings true to me.
“Grief changes shape but it never ends.” Keanu Reeves
I’ve watched my best friend and her wonderful husband lose two daughters — one stillborn birth and one at the age of three to cancer. I watched my son-in-law carry on without his beloved father. I stood beside my daughter a year ago today when she was rocked by the death of her close friend. I held my mother’s hand when my father died as she held mine. I walked beside my Nanna when her son (my uncle) died. I’ve witnessed death too many times professionally and yet can never really speak of those loses but they touch at your heart because you always know that they are someone’s father, mother, daughter, sister, brother or friend. I’ve watched a colleague lose her only child to a cancer battle. I have watched friends and colleagues battle and too often lose the final round. It touches your heart and stays there forever; those moments etched in time.
I am hopeful that finally I have a link here for a “Ted Talk- Beyond Closure“. If it failed to load properly I’m sorry. You could just copy and paste the title above into a google search and it will load that way. It is definitely worth the 17 minutes to watch this talk as it deals with grief, joy and the concept of closure. It talks about listening and truly hearing and that is, perhaps, where we all struggle. We want to say things to make it “better” and often our words don’t help but our open heart and open arms do say things.
Death has taught me a few lessons and I try hard to remember them daily. First and foremost it teaches you that life is precious. Life can be short or long but you must live it well. You must pick yourself up time and again from the falls and go onward with an attitude that your life is going to only bloom for a short time so it must bloom with passion, commitment and positive energy.
I could have written this post just about any day as I often think of those that are physically gone from my life. They reside onward in my heart and mind and I hope that my actions speak about the lessons they have all taught me. The more time you had with a loved one means the more memories can surface to share. Those we lost with short lives bring less memories perhaps more precious for the gathering. I often have thoughts about what age they would be and how they might have turned out.
The minor worries
Fade with faced with tragedy
Of this proportion
The link below is my daughter’s thoughts a year after Sydney’s death. The picture above shows two young women filled with determination, courage and a commitment to themselves and their equine partners to do their best with having a coffee or two with some laughter thrown in.